This has nothing to do with Lifehacks. These tweets may make your life better with laughter, or pride that you aren’t a comedian.
Also, lots of rap music tweets.
oh cool you have a paragraph tattooed on your inner arm. PLEASE GIVE ME UNSOLICITED ADVICE
-Everything I learned in life, I learned from Barbed Wire Arm Girl too.
don’t married people know that Craigslist is a much quicker way to get a roommate you will end up hating?
-I think if you are on Craigslist, you already hate your life.
Did you know “Singing in the Rain” was originally titled “Homeless Choir”?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME I HAVEN’T WORN MY INVISALIGN FOR 24 HOURS YOLO
-Happy Birthday, Sara, from all of us, as well as Orthodontists everywhere!”
Just rated Goodburger 5 out of 5 stars on Netflix before remembering I do not have Netflix just the password for my ex-boyfriends account.
-I don’t know how it didn’t work out.
If Aladdin was made today they’d pat that poor Arabian guy down before they let him let him anywhere near that flying carpet.
I need the number for child services. There’s a little girl with dreadlocks at this hipster bar.
-Also, you’re at a hipster bar…..do you need help?
“Let’s get drunk on the mini bar” is the most financially irresponsible line ever uttered in rap music history
-“Fancy,” the official song of Cashpoint.
TURN DOWN FOR WHOM?
-Also, hat tip to @dankcharnley: It is “Well, ‘Push it real well,’ Salt ‘N Pepa.”
I vacuumed without a bag today. That’s the domestic version of raw dogging it.
-That sucks. Watch out for S.T.D’s. Sexually Transmitted Dust.
And, my best this week:
You can do side bends and sit-ups but please don’t lose those boobs.” -Baby Got Rack
See y’all next week.