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T.W.I.T. – Summer is here

T.W.I.T. – Summer is here

It’s officially Summer, but we tweet on a non-seasonal basis. Here is This Week In Tweets, brought to you by LYGO DC and BP’s Gulf Recovery Fund.

 

Working on a show about a tattoo shop called Tribals and Tribulations

-Hope you ink that deal, Mariya. *

*Punches self in face

Nipples iz just braille for whether yo girl iz horny or not.

-You gotz to know da erogenous areole, bro.

Yesterday I saw two prairie dogs chirping at each other and I tried chirping back to see if they’d notice and it made me miss twitter

I don’t think I should tell jokes tonight. I almost cried watching a video of a goat being reunited with his best donkey friend.

-It was going great until Hero Cat attacked them both.

Homophones are not a telecommunications product.

-Carried by the…. Samshung…. network?

damn girl are you my sperm count cuz you are well below average

-Reminds me of a parlor joke. Guy goes to Doctor because he and wife are having fertility issues.

Doctor:  “I got good news and bad news. Good news is that you have a sperm count.”

Guy: “Awesome! What’s the bad news?”

Doctor: “Well, the sperm count is 1, he’s three feet long, and dying to get out.”

That a good jizzoke.

That annoying kid you only hung around w for their trampoline grew up to make commercials as loud as possible

-I LIVED NEXT DOOR TO MICHAEL BAY AND THIS IS MY WHISPER NOW.

Yes sand -desert island improv

Yes brand -corporate improv

Yes planned -bad improv

-Yes Manned- Great acceptance group

Thinking about doing an campaign for 20 something’s with braces

-Better get a lawyer on retainer first.*

*Puts head in oven

“A chicken in every pot, an outlet for every charger!”, I shout. The crowd roars in approval. I am elected in a landslide.

And here’s my best for this week:

A rapper with sleep apnea named Snoreaga

We will be back next week, in the meantime, DRINK YOUR OVALTINE!

-Jon Yeager

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