It’s officially Summer, but we tweet on a non-seasonal basis. Here is This Week In Tweets, brought to you by LYGO DC and BP’s Gulf Recovery Fund.
Working on a show about a tattoo shop called Tribals and Tribulations
-Hope you ink that deal, Mariya. *
*Punches self in face
Nipples iz just braille for whether yo girl iz horny or not.
-You gotz to know da erogenous areole, bro.
Yesterday I saw two prairie dogs chirping at each other and I tried chirping back to see if they’d notice and it made me miss twitter
I don’t think I should tell jokes tonight. I almost cried watching a video of a goat being reunited with his best donkey friend.
-It was going great until Hero Cat attacked them both.
Homophones are not a telecommunications product.
-Carried by the…. Samshung…. network?
damn girl are you my sperm count cuz you are well below average
-Reminds me of a parlor joke. Guy goes to Doctor because he and wife are having fertility issues.
Doctor: “I got good news and bad news. Good news is that you have a sperm count.”
Guy: “Awesome! What’s the bad news?”
Doctor: “Well, the sperm count is 1, he’s three feet long, and dying to get out.”
That a good jizzoke.
That annoying kid you only hung around w for their trampoline grew up to make commercials as loud as possible
-I LIVED NEXT DOOR TO MICHAEL BAY AND THIS IS MY WHISPER NOW.
Yes sand -desert island improv
Yes brand -corporate improv
Yes planned -bad improv
-Yes Manned- Great acceptance group
Thinking about doing an
#itgetsbetter campaign for 20 something’s with braces
-Better get a lawyer on retainer first.*
*Puts head in oven
“A chicken in every pot, an outlet for every charger!”, I shout. The crowd roars in approval. I am elected in a landslide.
And here’s my best for this week:
A rapper with sleep apnea named Snoreaga
We will be back next week, in the meantime, DRINK YOUR OVALTINE!