In a shameless push to get more web hits, I’ve used “King Joffrey” from Game of Thrones as the title for this holiday edition of T.W.I.T.. SPOILER ALERT: These tweets are funny and not hard to swallow. Don’t Passover these jokes, either. I’ll show myself out.
-He shoulda stopped wining.
Passover texts with mom means I talk extra Jewy.
-You got some serious balls to post a text from Mom, Mr. Berney. Great big hairy matzah balls.
Insolent Member That Dared Suggest the Use of a Non-Pun Name Savagely Beaten Out of Men’s A Capella Group, “The Crescendudes”
-Ryan, you’re sharp……did he get Barberphotoshopped out of pictures… they “scaled” back…he had an aural fixation…he broke the coda of conduct…. ok, I’ll show myself out again.
“Take your child to work” Day is a great Scared Straight program
this tofu got me all the way turnt up
-At the Vietnamese joint? Pho sure!
I’ve never been trapped “in the friend zone”. I have incorrectly assumed any woman who didn’t completely ignore me would have sex with me.
-Jared, 500 feet ain’t far enough for you not to show your affection.
I can tell how obnoxious someone is going to be IRL based on how many Buzzfeed articles they post to their Facebook timeline.
-What kind of douche are you? Take this easy quiz!
Looking for an intern to help me write and post an ad that I’m looking for an intern
“Those shoes look comfortable.” Is girl for “your shoes are ugly” & “I wish I had as much self confidence as you.”
– You know the expression- “if the shoe fits, wear it, cuz some bitch is likely gonna mess with you anyway.”
Your personality bald spot is showing
-Good thing I have an insecurity toupee!
And my best:
@bobsaget wished me good luck in comedy and gave me a US Army enlistment pamphlet.
-Also, I look like my eyes won’t open.
See y’all next week!