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T.W.I.T. – King Joffrey

T.W.I.T. – King Joffrey

In a shameless push to get more web hits, I’ve used “King Joffrey” from Game of Thrones as the title for this holiday edition of T.W.I.T.. SPOILER ALERT: These tweets are funny and not hard to swallow. Don’t Passover these jokes, either. I’ll show myself out.

 

David Carter@_DavidCarter_ 

“Call me a big softie, but I always get all choked up at weddings.” – King Joffery @GameOfThrones#GameOfThrones

-He shoulda stopped wining.

 

Jesse Berney@jesseberney

Passover texts with mom means I talk extra Jewy.

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-You got some serious balls to post a text from Mom, Mr. Berney. Great big hairy matzah balls.

 

Ryan Schutt@ryschutt

Insolent Member That Dared Suggest the Use of a Non-Pun Name Savagely Beaten Out of Men’s A Capella Group, “The Crescendudes”

-Ryan, you’re sharp……did he get Barberphotoshopped out of pictures… they “scaled” back…he had an aural fixation…he broke the coda of conduct…. ok, I’ll show myself out again.

 

Brandon Fisher@BrandOnBrandOut

“Take your child to work” Day is a great Scared Straight program

 

Danny Charnley@DanKCharnley 

this tofu got me all the way turnt up

-At the Vietnamese joint? Pho sure!

 

Jared Logan@JaredLogan

I’ve never been trapped “in the friend zone”. I have incorrectly assumed any woman who didn’t completely ignore me would have sex with me.

-Jared, 500 feet ain’t far enough for you not to show your affection.

 

Omar Shaukat@OShaukat

I can tell how obnoxious someone is going to be IRL based on how many Buzzfeed articles they post to their Facebook timeline.

-What kind of douche are you? Take this easy quiz!

 

Sara Armour@SaraArmour

Looking for an intern to help me write and post an ad that I’m looking for an intern

 

Kaytlin Bailey@KaytlinBailey

“Those shoes look comfortable.” Is girl for “your shoes are ugly” & “I wish I had as much self confidence as you.”

– You know the expression- “if the shoe fits, wear it, cuz some bitch is likely gonna mess with you anyway.”

 

Mariya Alexander@MariyaAlexander

Your personality bald spot is showing

-Good thing I have an insecurity toupee!

 

And my best:

jon yeager@toosoon_huh 

.@bobsaget wished me good luck in comedy and gave me a US Army enlistment pamphlet.

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-Also, I look like my eyes won’t open.

 

See y’all next week!

Jon Yeager

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