Taco Bell is serving breakfast now. SOUND THE DYSENTERY HORNS!
♥ Be the kind of person you pretend to be on social media ♥
-The girl I am crushing on says “it’s still a Friendster account.”
I respect ANYONE who is doing something “different”. Minus serial killers of course. I don’t respect what you’re doing at all. Stop doing it
-This looks like a copycat post.
Pizza Hut has subs. Subway has pizza.
-Taco Bell has breakfast. I have diarrhea.
I like to refer to frat boys as ‘brociopaths’
The Weather Channel is completely unnecessary if you have any Facebook friends over 45.
No omg of COURSE you don’t have to respond to my texts right away but I will take it to mean that you hate me and I’m dead to you.
– I’m the same way, but with snail mail. My life is not going well, especially on Sundays.
If you’ve ever seen a fish poop you know why mermaids can’t be hot.
-A Fish Called Wandaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!
This spring Is harder to find than a proud parent of a porn star. (Or comic)
-Luckily, Dustin Diamond, aka Screech, is our double control group.
“Gender is just a social construct, man!” He shouted as he shat in the ladies’ room sink.
-He sounds like a brociopath. Or just had Taco Bell Breakfast. (Two callbacks there. *Drops mic, moonwalks off stage.)
Congress I know you fight a lot but I think you can come together to outlaw ads for Sonics when there are no Sonics around
-Checkers or Sonic or Carl’s Jr or Hardee’s or Roy Rogers or Church’s Chicken…………
Behind every great man there’s a great woman, making fun of his dad jeans and weird buttocks.
-Mrs. Romney’s so cruel.
And my best:
A movie about an outbreak from Taco Bell Breakfast called “28 Minutes Later.”
Tune in next week. Sharing is caring, unless it is an STD.