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T.W.I.T. – Flight 370

T.W.I.T. – Flight 370

As we continue to piece together what happened to Flight 370, the crack team at LYGO DC tried to find something lost and foreign as well- funny tweets. Also, all our NCAA brackets are busted.

Here are the week’s best:

 

Natalie Shure@nataliesurely

How many 70ft long pieces of trash are there in this dumb ocean?!?!? #MH370

-The Great White Trash Shark? A whale, but with an Ed Hardy T shirt and a stream of Busch Light cans streaming behind it.

 

Robot Eats Ice Cream@MichaelLarrick 

Giving my March Madness bracket the silent treatment.

-March Sadness.

 

Erik Bergstrom@Erik_Bergstrom

Is it wrong to wish more people were blind so I could meet more dogs?

-No, but wishing more epilepsy on people as well is a tad much.

 

Dana Bell@danacbell

Stop body shaming me about my muffin tops. So what if I tape muffins to my hips. Where do you keep ur snacks, some inaccessible Tupperware?

 

Elahe Izadi@ElaheIzadi 

I hereby pledge to wear a smile on my face every day in 2014 that is 70 degrees or warmer and sunny.

-As I write this, it is the 24th of March in Reston, VA, and 21*. I will have a Jokeresque surgery to ensure warmth.

 

Omar Shaukat@OShaukat

Glad twitter exists cause now I just need a 0 favorited tweet instead of going to an open mic to get that same sensation of bombing.

-Ironically, I favorited this. Misery loves internet company.

 

Mariya Alexander@MariyaAlexander

Come to the comedy club to perfect the art of begrudging obligatory clapping

-Give it up for this tweet! And also the troops! And clean water!

 

Danny Charnley@DanKCharnley 

Don’t tell me about a world where people waste their farts by doing them outside on a windy day. I don’t want to live in that world.

 

Rob Maher@RobMaher 

I don’t have a side chick. I’m white. I have a mistress.

-Let’s just admit that our mistresses are like the Flight 370’s of the world. People suspect she’s out there, and the drama is finding/concealing her. We do our best by jamming communications (phone/navigation unit),  flying under the radar, altering routes, and using fly experience.  Also, we crash and burn. Also, she’s from Malaysia. (Too soon? I was just winging it.)

 

Jesse Berney@jesseberney 

Guys a cat just rubbed against my leg, let me pet it, hissed dangerously at me, and rubbed against my leg again. Is that what dating’s like?

-No, because you’re getting pussy.

 

And my best:

 

jon yeager@toosoon_huh

Vladimir Putin rides into Crimea, shirtless on horseback, with boom box blasting “Back in the USSR.”

 

See y’all next week! Retweet/share/email/snapchat/tindr this to others please!

Jon Yeager

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