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Things I discovered while filling out my March Madness bracket

Things I discovered while filling out my March Madness bracket

After a year hiatus I decided to fill out a March Madness bracket. Part of the reason I have to psych myself up to do one is because I go through the painstaking task of visiting every school’s basketball schedule website to look at their overall record. Aside from seeing which teams stand tough and which ones are a bunch of fluff, I made a few observations along the way:

(1) The corporate sponsors for their arenas are questionable

The Louisville Cardinals play at the KFC YUM! Center.

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I know they’re in Kentucky but the name sounds like they knew they were pushing a flawed product and this was their poor attempt at subliminal messaging. Though I guess if we’re going on name and not taste alone, this is probably a better name than Bojangles Center or Church’s Chicken Court.

Also Providence College plays at the Dunkin Donuts Center and if their half time entertainment isn’t a guy in a doughnut suit trying to dunk a basketball from a trampoline then I don’t know what the hell they are doing.

But I guess this is as about as close as they're going to get. Good luck with that scalding hot coffee.

But I guess this is as about as close as they’re going to get. Good luck with that scalding hot coffee.

Yet on the flip side of this…

(2) If the name of your home court has the word “gymnasium” in it I’m not picking you to win
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I’m sorry, but when I think of gymnasium I think of forced participation in middle school sports. At least have the self respect to put “Center” or “Arena” after it. I don’t even care if it’s a place where the bleachers fold up. But I’m not trying to dredge up painful memories of my 6th grade badminton tournament and I’ll be damned if you’re moving forward in my bracket.

(3) Apparently you get to play on a tropical island for a weekend

Pretty early on in the season a lot of these teams had pre-conference games in places that are way nicer than the average college town:

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These players are either kept on a tight leash at these tourneys or they get to start spring break early. Either way it’s nice to see where my student activity fee is going. The only time I’ve been out of the country is Canada and no offense to my one Canadian friend Beth if she’s reading this, but I bet even she has heard “Wait…Canada? Yeah sorry that doesn’t count.”

And last not but not least:

(4) What the fuck is a Billiken?

And more important: If it bites me, do I need a rabies shot?

And more important: If it bites me, do I need a rabies shot?

 

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