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Pussy Riot!

Pussy Riot!

The internet is full of gems and I happened to stumble upon an article about a man who called 911 to help subdue his cat while he hid in a bedroom along with his wife, baby, and dog.  Here’s the story.  First, I have to commend the father for protecting his baby and wife from this rampaging cat.  Second, I want to thank them for making me laugh at work.  I just don’t know if I would have called 911 to deal with my angry cat. (especially after you’ve kicked it)  I think there are three things I would have tried first to subdue my cat and if that didn’t work, then maybe, MAYBE, I would run back into the bedroom and explain to my wife why I couldn’t defend myself against the cat.  Then I would call 911 and have the whole world laugh at my ordeal.  I have a cat and have my share of stories of how the cat scratched or bit me when she went berserk.  Below are three tips/special moves on how to handle a Wolverine-esque attacking cat.

Here’s the latest update on viral sensation Lux the cat.

1. The Blanket Shield/Attack Move

manblanket pussy riot defense

Grab a blanket, preferably a comforter. (Do not wrap yourself up and fall asleep like this guy)

Use the blanket as your shield or a force field for all you nerds out there.  Shield yourself from the claws and teeth the cat will unleash on you.  Approach the cat and when you get close to it, throw your shield on top of the cat to subdue it.  Be quick to scoop it up or else, you will be vulnerable and will probably feel the fury of the violent cat.

 catblanket

Voila! Finished product. (The cat seems happy)

2. The Water Spray Bottle Attack Move

windex1

“Do you feel lucky punk??? DO YA!” – Fearless Hubby  (Please don’t use Windex)

Grab a spray bottle with WATER in it and use it against your cat.  They will run away.  You should be able to corner the cat but if you are too scared to grab it, you can scare the cat into a room, close the door, and wait for it to calm down.  If you are afraid the cat will jump attack, use spray bottle along with your blanket, aka your shield, force field, cat cuffs.

windex2

“My hero!!!” – Your wife  (Again, Please do NOT use Windex)

3. The “Be A Man” Move

beaman

Let’s face it, you are the man of the house, act like it!  Even if it means you will get your ass kicked by your cat.  It is good to show that you are man enough to deal with any dangerous situation.  Granted, you may get hospitalized and maybe, MAYBE, the logical thing would be to run into the bedroom and call 911, but I think it would be wise to choose the Be A Man option before calling 911.  Heck, even if you run back and forth, to and from the bedroom, it just might confuse the cat.  Personally, I wouldn’t want the police to wrangle my cat and then have them play the 911 audio of my scared self to the world. 

pussy riot battlescar

Battle scars. (Chicks dig the battle scars)

In the end, you can tell your kids about the night you came to their mother’s rescue. You can show off your battle scars.  You will be honored as the man of the house and when your kids need help fending off a cat, you will have the knowledge and wisdom to defeat such a mythical creature.

Comments

  • Adam says:

    HA! Hilarious….

  • Ana says:

    ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!

  • Erik says:

    LMAO, no windex my ass. Any cat that causes me to leave my manhood behind and call 911 is getting windexed

  • Brad says:

    Very funny. I would have ate the cat, lol.

  • Ed says:

    Is this for realz????? Somebody called 911 on a cat? I would’ve hung my head in shame and never admit this ever happened lol

    • Kerby Valladares says:

      Yes, the story is true. The guy called 911 and there is video of his wife trying to downplay the situation.

  • Dave says:

    wow this is to funny. i feel safer now that i know these techniques, lmao

  • Gregg says:

    Great advice–Thanks, Kerby!