T.W.I.T. – Oscars edition

T.W.I.T. – Oscars edition

Alright, Alright, Alright, It’s the Oscars, and we should speak as clearly as John Travolta.

Also we got another snow storm…..



Some of y’all deserve Oscars for acting like you care this much about this shit. #netflixornuthinftw


David Carter@_DavidCarter_

Remember when 3 6 Mafia won? #ThingsWeWishWeCouldTakeBack #Oscars

-It’s hard out here for a selection panel.


Travis Irvine@TheTravisIrvine

12 Years an Oscars Viewer AM I RIGHT?? #longshow #Oscars2014 #goodnight

-We have to have enough time to thank our sponsors, including Haliburton.


Herbie Gill@herbiegill

Hey ABC, good looking playing Resurrection promos on either side of the In Memoriam segment. #Oscars


Kara Klenk@karaklenk Mar 3

Congrats Matthew McConaughey but in 50 years your “In Memoriam” pic will be you in “Dazed and Confused” and nothing will change that.

-I get older but the picture stays the same age, man.


Drew Landry@DrewTheComedian

I really wanted McConaughey to go on stage and just beat his chest and do that hum from Wolf Of Wall Street for 2 straight minutes

-It woulda made more sense than the actual speech.


Randolph Terrance@realtalkforyou

“No Angie, we can’t adopt him”-Brad Pitt #Oscars


Richard Game@blahmed

White Hollywood stands and pats itself on the back for ending racism every time a black person wins.

-Except for 3 6 Mafia. Still. Someone gave Price Waterhouse Coopers the Suge Knight treatment.


not NOT Jason Saenz@jasonsaenz

Kevin Spacey is in the audience, plotting how he can host next year. #oscars#HouseOfCards

-And then the Presidency.


Valerie Paschall@vivalaphoenix

Did you really just mess up Idina Menzel’s name, John Travolta? Are scientologists not allowed to wear glasses or something? #Oscars2014


Jesse Berney@jesseberney

John Travolta wins Best Closeted Gay Cultist.

-He is from Grease…..


David Tveite@killtveite

So cool that they’re reuniting Jamie Foxx and Jessica Biel, stars of the classic film “Stealth”! #oscars

-Can’t wait to miss it again.


Mariya Alexander@MariyaAlexander

I would rather watch the AVN awards because they at least sincerely honor each other for sucking each other’s dicks #Oscars #Dicks

– That awards ceremony REALLY blows.

And the tweets not nominated for the Oscars go to:


Rob Maher@RobMaher

My girlfriend made brownies today. I will repay her by not trying to have sex with her. #SoulMates


Omar Shaukat@OShaukat

Some people get drunk and text messages to exes, I get drunk and apply to comedy festivals. Both involve inevitable rejection/disappointment.



If I won the lottery I would buy all the tickets for a Justin Bieber concert and just stand alone in the front row booing the entire time.


Tyler Richardson@Ty1erRichardson

I would like world peace. But, I will settle for a cheeseburger.


Liz Miele@lizmiele 

I wonder how many therapist don’t wanna help people, they just really like gossip #secretlyhairdressers


Michael Larrick@MichaelLarrick 

Fool me once,

is that food can i have it

Fool me twice,

is that food can i have it

-a dog


Dylan Meyer@Your_Boy_Dylan

China is developing a weapon that can shut down the entire U.S. infrastructure instantly. They are calling it “Three Inches of Snow”.


Danny Charnley@DanKCharnley

does sighing at people count as exercise? if so, where are my abs?


And my best:

jon yeager@toosoon_huh

Comedians In Cars Getting Cocaine starring Tim Allen


See y’all next week. If you like it, then you should put a RT on it.