The BLOG

The Seedy Underbelly of Girl Scout Cookie Production

  • February 21, 2014
  • by Rich Bennett
  • 1 Comment
The Seedy Underbelly of Girl Scout Cookie Production

Abortion foes in Waco, Texas are boycotting Girl Scout cookies. Why? The Girl Scouts apparently tweeted a Huffington Post list of top contenders for 2013 woman of the year that included Texas gubernatorial candidate, Wendy Davis.

This prompted me to wonder, what other crazy, left-wing shennanigans are the Girl Scouts up to? After finding out they were using two bakeries to make their cookies – Little Brownie Bakers and ABC – I  was like – oh man, the scandal goes way beyond just endorsing strong, independent, smart women.

I then delved a little deeper into the seedy underbelly of Girl Scout cookie production. I first traced the ownership of Little Brownie Bakers:

Little Brownie  is owned by Keebler, which is owned by…Kellogg!

Here is the potential implication of this:

Little Brownie –> Keebler –> Kellogg–> EVIL

But then, ABC won a contract to bake the cookies because they can do it cheaper, according to this article. Cheaper isn’t always a good thing, especially when it comes to cookies.

So I did a little head-to-head comparison of four of my favorite GS cookies – Samoas, Tagalongs, Thin Mints, and Trefoils. (Those are the Little Brownie names. The ABC names are Caramel deLites, Peanut Butter Patties, Thin Mints and Short Bread, respectively). Here’s my homemade infographic (click to enlarge):

gscookies

 

 

The key findings:

  • First, ABC clearly has the lamer cookie names. They’re totally unimaginative.  In fact, they aren’t even names, but simply descriptors of the cookies – e.g. “Peanut Butter Patties”. It’s like naming your children “Favorite Daughter” and “Illegitimate Son”. Little Brownie, on the other hand, has names e.g. “Tagalongs” or “Samoas”, that conjure up romantic, unrequited love stories of being a third wheel on a date, or faraway places the NFL travels to draft players.
  • Second, there’s slightly less fat and calories in the ABC version of the cookies. I don’t think this is a good thing. See below.
  • After a quick review of both bakers’ ingredients, turns out ABC uses high fructose corn syrup while Little Brownie doesn’t!
  • Fourth – there’s more fat and calories in Samoas and Tagalongs than Thin Mints and Trefoils. This will not stop me from buying a box of Samoas and eating the entire thing in one sitting.

Based on these data, I believe Little Brownie Bakers are more imaginative and produce superior, more wholesome cookies.  Fortunately the Girl Scouts are keeping them on. If they switch completely over to ABC – well there’s a legitimate reason to boycott them.

 

 

 

 

Comments

  • John Perry says:

    I boycotted the cookies because of the “Non-aborted Girl Scouts” disgusting view on killing babies but now I’m going to boycott them because you can never tell if there is High Fructose Corn Syrup in it. Maybe the Girl Scouts will just start pumping HFCS straight into the placenta.