As we cheer for the Winter Olympics at Sochi, there are always funny things the whole world can agree on.
Surviving a cross-country move and a first week at a demanding job in the span of a PMS week is my Olympics opening ceremony in Sochi
-Gross, Mariya, no one wants to hear about your job! Ewwwww.
Sochi olympics are totally HOMOPHOBIC unlike the US olympics held at diversity Mecca SLC Utah.
Mormon or MORE MEN, amirite?
Sexiest Olympic events, ranked:
3. Ski Jump (Pants Optional)
2. Ice Dance Makeout Party
1. That Pottery Wheel Thing They Did In Ghost
Most depressing Olympic events, ranked:
3. Women’s Fracking
2. 1500-Meter Bread Line Wait
1. Skeleton But With Actual Skeletons
The men’s biathlon, brought to you by Scandanavian Darwinism.
area woman critiques triple-axel performed by figure skater while eating a brownie
And we talked about non-Olympics too….
Hipsters start slow claps just to stop clapping once other people have joined.
-Clapping is so ironic, broh.
Once I get to 1,000 followers, my parents will be so over me dropping out of law school.
-Cult leader or Twitter user? OR BOTH? DUNH DUNH DUNH
a dog is a man’s best friend.
a diamond is a girl’s best friend.
a dog made of diamonds is jamie lee curtis’s best friend
Saying “I love you” for the first time is like guessing the wifi password for someone’s heart
-Sadly, for me, she was an open network for everyone.
OMG Greyhound Bus sells gift certificates who the hell would do that to someone
– I’d totally bolt.
And my contribution:
Runs my girlfriend goes on: 5k’s, 10ks, fun
Runs I go on: beer, Taco Bell, midnight, on sentences
– And now, I’ve run out of time.
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See y’all next week!