Tweets From 140 Characters or Less – Cap’n Crunch

Tweets From 140 Characters or Less – Cap’n Crunch

I’ve always been fascinated by the outside lives of cartoon characters and now since most of them have their own Twitter accounts, I get those windows into them. I’m going to explore as many of their lives as humanly possible.

Am I going to get to 140? HELL NO. But maybe with your help I can get close.

So let’s get to know some of these characters and mascots who have shaped our childhoods, starting with Horatio Magellan Crunch, better known as Cap’n Crunch (Yes that is his real name. Yes it is better than yours).

The Cap’n turned 50 years old in 2013 and celebrated his milestone by dispensing a bit of history:

156 people died in that.

156 people died in that.

Generally the Cap’n is fairly active on Twitter and regularly praises the loyalty of his fanbase:

cap'n crying

He’s crying because he knows how much that guy’s mouth is bleeding right now.

And because he’s on Twitter he’s kept up with a whole new generation’s self-absorbed, self-serving trends:

selfie capn

I’m less disgusted that he’s doing a selfie and more impressed he has cell phone reception AT SEA. I can’t even get reception ABOVE ground at most Metro stations  #TMobileNation

But in keeping up with Twitter youth, he has also adapted to their permissive sexual practices.

Screen shot 2014-02-06 at 7.15.41 AM

The rest of us call them genital warts, but tell your “friend” there are removal options on shore.