The BLOG

FFON-Net Neutrality Dystopia

The FCC’s push to negate net neutrality was shut down in Washington. This is the idea the companies and consumers will have to pay more for faster internet speeds from their Service Providers, despite the wifi only working half the time. Now this is going to affect companies like Netflix and their now disgruntled fans. These fans will be taking lessons from their favorite TV shows. Dexter fans will be loading up on garbage bags, plastic wraps, cutlery and law handbooks. Fans of How I Met Your Mother have stopped dating, which is more confusing than anything else. Fans of Family Guy are basically still getting high and watching Family Guy.

Because of this issue, providers like Comcast will be peddling the internet to people that want to stream Netflix, Hulu and even some small non-profits, at faster speeds. The rich once again get the advantage. They get to download their Michael Bolton & John Mayer bit torrents and access to their 401k’s at lightning speeds, while us in the middle class have to wait for 8 minute porno to buffer every 12 seconds.

This will eventually lead to the return of the seedy underbelly of the Internet Café world, where bloggers, status updaters, trolls and RPG Players are plugged into the same port. Worse than that, these addicts will find random ports around towns and jack in to get a few minutes of Internet. People will also return to climbing phone towers to try and plug into the Internet. This will inevitably lead to people have interventions in libraries, sippin’ their coffee, scratching their necks going “Hey man, come on. Let me get a few minutes of that internet. I’ll suck yo…” Only to be cut by a shush, since they are in a library.

Check out Fork Full of Noodles-29-Neutral Netflix Negated.

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