The NFL Playoffs caught our mind, while Seattle Seahawks player Richard Sherman lost his.
If Richard Sherman spoke any longer we’d all end up hating the Seahawks, Starbucks and Pearl Jam.
Hey Peyton Manning, if you win this Super Bowl maybe you’ll finally be able to get an endorsement deal somewhere!
That fool Peyton Manning doesn’t even wear cleats. It’s just taped up Moon boots.
-Peyton Manning actually designed these himself. He also wants to launch his line of pleated khakis, polo shirts, and a line of forehead concealing designs. Calling it “P.M. Gear.”
#NFLPlayoffs games determine who will be on in the background while I spend all of Super Bowl Sunday hovered over the snack table
The Washington Post has tremendous segues.
– Panda says he was high on eucalyptus leaves at the time. Insists this is not a black and white case.
Excuse me, do you have a microphone and speakers? This coffee shop seems entirely too content.
SPOILER ALERT FOR END OF
#LEGO MOVIE: Dad accidentally steps on Legos, screams “FUCK,” all Lego people die, kids grounded
Probably my biggest problem with getting abducted by aliens would be having to come back home
-You’d like to be a resident alien, I guess.
Let he who has never cleared his browser history cast the first stone.
– How come there isn’t an Internet Search Provider commercial set to U2’s “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For?”
I’M GONNA PARTY SO HARD TONIGHT!
*leisurely surfs the web*
*begins watercolor painting of a mer-wolf*
*enjoys a mug of warm milk*
-DOOD, HIT ME UP NEXT TIME YOU GO OUT!!
And my best:
Kellen Winslow Jr. masturbating in a Target parking lot was the only time that a NY Jet has scored in the Target red zone this year.
See y’all next week!