This week, a lot of LYGODC’s folks tweeted about the Golden Globes, the “not quite an Oscar, but better than a Teen’s Choice Award.”
So this week’s T.W.I.T. has TWO sections, the best Golden Globes tweets, and, other people who deserve an award of some sort, or, most likely, are comedians who can’t afford a television.
The nominees are:
Damn. I was really looking forward to Lena Dunham’s topless acceptance speech.
-That would have been the tits.
God dammit. Now I have to say “Golden globe award winner Andy Samberg sucks” from now on. Ugh.
– But you really don’t have to. No one calls me “Roland Park Baseball League’s Best Equipment Manager.” But people should. And they WILL. AND THEY WILL. MWAHAHAHAHAHA. (Sobs)
Sometimes I just like to dress up and cry in front of my coworkers.
uh oh. Bono won. Lets strap in for some kind of lecture.
-“We’re one, but we’re not the same. In the name of love, we still haven’t found what we’re looking for. That is why we need to bring clean water to the third world and peace to refugees and recycling and political protest and Greenpeace and when i was a small boy in divided Ireland and…” (Awards music plays, cuts to long shot, the Edge pulls him off stage, wipes his sunglasses, sits him down in gilded fair-trade throne)
“You know who we should get to introduce 12 Years a Slave? Reese Witherspoon.”
-Bobcat Goldthwaite wasn’t available.
And your Golden Globes tweet winner is:
Everyone is holding in rich people farts.
-Not Nick Nolte. Hence the sewage pipe burst.
Now back to our regularly scheduled programming:
hey girl… vaginal mesh with me & i guarantee there won’t be any lawsuits
Dogs are a man’s best friend, but a weird friend that tries to hump you with a boner sometimes and acts like it’s not weird.
-Dude, I apologized to you like seven times.
You know, let’s not worry about how I cut my toe shaving.
In Jewish education, you’re encouraged to challenge authority & argue with superiors, which is why Jews make good lawyers… and bad wives
At this point, I’m not even sure whether it’s a commercial or not unless Peyton Manning is there.
-I thought the Peyton Manning “Vaginal Mesh” lawsuit ad was a little weird. CC: Dana Bell.
The fact that he is always wearing a scarf probably helped Bruno Mars book the Super Bowl halftime show in NJ in Feb.
-That and the whole hipster thing for the young folk who drink Pepsi and will buy all advertised products. But, yeah, the scarf is nice.
On a small stage the drummer has the same view as the second dog pulling a sled.
-Is that why the drummer from Def Leppard has only one arm?
And, my best:
I want to nickname a girlfriend “Just Fine.” If people ask me how I’m doing I can say “I’m doing Just Fine.”*
*- accepts hack award
See y’all next week!