The War On Christmas – Are We Safe?

The War On Christmas – Are We Safe?

World War CThere’s a new study showing that just watching a lot of media coverage of bombings and massacres can increase our “acute stress” to levels beyond what folks who were actually there experience. The more we watch, the more we feel on edge, have bad dreams, problems concentrating, trouble sleeping etc.

I’ve been on edge lately and I think this new study helps explain why:

I’ve been continuously glued to the TV and internet the last several days, watching this whole “War on Christmas”.

I first heard about the War on Christmas on The Daily Show. The DS usually does a great job of skewering politicians, media and the dumb things they say and do. But this time I have to say, damnit Jon Stewart and Co!   – you went  a little too far in making light of the seriousness of this war…

To help us understand just how serious, Fox News has mapped where the War on Christmas is happening:

War on Christmas

Click here for the interactive version

Not surprisingly, but still disturbingly, the War is concentrated on the East and West Coasts, with a lot of fighting on the Northeastern seaboard, right on my doorstep. I advise my Northeastern friends to consider taking refuge in areas that are relatively unscathed, like Iowa or Nebraska. You can still enjoy some good corn and sing Christmas Carols there without fearing violence or persecution.

Here are some of the most serious situations, according to Fox News:

1. NYC: Battle between NYPD and SantaCon.


Apparently the NYPD has advised NYC bars not to serve SantaCon bar crawlers. NYPD has effectively imposed martial law on a venerable Christmas tradition,  as well as SantaCon folks’ freedom to piss and vomit in bars, stumble home and pass out on their doorsteps/lawns.




2. DC: Obama is apparently spending Christmas celebrating Obamacare.



I’m sure there’s an underlying heinousness to this Christmas atrocity that’s so severe, it’s left me totally confused and bewildered about what the atrocity actually is…




3. Elementary school in Frisco Texas.



Some of the most egregious stuff is going on  at this Frisco, Tx elementary school.  There will be no Christmas tree and they will be having a “winter party” without red and green colors (an extraordinarily bleak sounding party straight out of Game of Thrones). Even the color-blind kids are freaking out about this one.





Fortunately, despite all the hopelessness, leave it to the Texas State Legislature to provide us much hope and solace by passing a Merry Christmas Bill. I plan to move there this week, and take up refugee status.



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