The BLOG

FFON-Campaigning for the Gay Army

Anti LGBT Activist, Chaplin Gordon James Klingenschmitt, says that homosexuals only want the right to get married to “gain access to children” and to “recruit” them. Chaplin Gordon James Klingenschmitt…that name is too damn long. It sounds like he belongs to Star Trek: the Wrong Generation; it sounds like someone Hogan would escape from; it sounds like the thing responsible for the Hindenburg disaster; it sounds like a doomsday device; it sounds like you are still part of the Third Reich! And when an Indian guy tells you your name is too long, then you need be like Crest and Whiten that up.

First of all, just because “Don’t ask Don’t tell was repealed doesn’t mean that now there’s going to be a Gay Army! And if there was don’t you think they’d use similar tactics as the regular Army. Hit up colleges and go after confused and experimenting College Kids rather than young insubordinate ones. They can easily entice them with bright colors and those very convincing “It Gets Better” videos. If the Homosexual community wanted recruit more people, they could very easily do it because it’s the most casual experience they can offer. “Hey, do you want to be like everyone else? Enjoy the things that everyone else does? Do you enjoy being sassy and right about fashion like 98% of the time?  How ‘bout colors? Do you like ALL of them? Then join the LGBT Army of Awesome Good Times and Fun Happy Things! No down payments. No guilt.”

There are actually 6 states that are denying benefits to LGBT couples in the military. West Virginia, Mississippi, Georgia, Louisiana, Oklahoma and Texas are going against a federal law pushed forward by Chuck Hagel. I just have to say a few things to these states.

West Virginia & Mississippi: No comment. We expect this from you.

Oklahoma: For real? You understand that there’s a Roger and Hammerstien’s musical written about your state.

Georgia: You state fruit is the Peach and you guys are dangerously close to Florida.

Louisiana: You celebrate Mardi Gras. Who do you think came up with that? The Happy People! If straight people came up with Mardi Gras it would gray, with whiskey and ties…basically the set of Mad Men. There would be no jazz hands or dancing! It would be reports and sayings from the 50s that I’m too young to know. That and I think straight people invent swamps. Straight People or God. One of the 2.

Texas: Most of the time you spend time with dudes alone on a ranch or at home reenacting scenes from Dallas. And that’s Dallas the television show.

Check out FFON-25-Armies, Gays & God.

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