Thanksgiving passed, as well as Paul Walker. Here are some leftover tweets that came Fast and Furious.
Hey assholes, stop making jokes about Paul Walker (unless they’re good)
i was in the park, skipping rope in my yoga pants when skateboard punk yolo teens circled & began rhyming words. did they put a spell on me?
-You’re Forever 21 now.
Quick tip for making “house-made” restaurant potato chips: take regular chips, burn, serve on wax paper.
-Also, use the words “fair-trade” and “deconstructed.”
The difference between ladies and laddies is the D.
-In Scotland, I thought the dresses would be an indicator. Apparently, they are called kilts. And, also, transsexuals.
What’s that word for when you realize you have had something in yr teeth all day but it doesn’t matter cause you never went outside
-Call of Duty?
feel free to reach out to me about any leftover pie.
I put a 5 Hour Energy in a mimosa once.
-It was an intense BRUNCH.
Nothing better than a quick 20 min nap. You’ll wake up refreshed & alert, esp after ur boss yells at you about how “this habit has to stop”
I feel like sarcasm won “Thanks a lot” in a custody battle with sincerity, and it’s never coming back.
today is Woody Allen’s birthday. He’ll celebrate by going out to dinner with his wife and daughter. Unfortunately, it’ll be a table for 2.
And my best:
I know what you’re thinking- why couldn’t it have been Kanye?
See y’all next week!