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T.W.I.T. – Thanksgiving and R.I.P. Paul Walker

T.W.I.T. – Thanksgiving and R.I.P. Paul Walker

Thanksgiving passed, as well as Paul Walker. Here are some leftover tweets that came Fast and Furious.

 

Natalie Shure@nataliesurely

Hey assholes, stop making jokes about Paul Walker (unless they’re good)

 

Danny Charnley@DanKCharnley

i was in the park, skipping rope in my yoga pants when skateboard punk yolo teens circled & began rhyming words. did they put a spell on me?

-You’re Forever 21 now.

 

Mariya Alexander@MariyaAlexander

Quick tip for making “house-made” restaurant potato chips: take regular chips, burn, serve on wax paper.

-Also, use the words “fair-trade” and “deconstructed.”

 

Romane Lettuce@Thatblack1

The difference between ladies and laddies is the D.

-In Scotland, I thought the dresses would be an indicator. Apparently, they are called kilts. And, also, transsexuals.

 

Dana Bell@danacbell

What’s that word for when you realize you have had something in yr teeth all day but it doesn’t matter cause you never went outside

-Call of Duty?

 

Elahe Izadi@ElaheIzadi

feel free to reach out to me about any leftover pie.

 

Michael Larrick@MichaelLarrick

I put a 5 Hour Energy in a mimosa once.

-It was an intense BRUNCH.

 

Stav@StavComedy

Nothing better than a quick 20 min nap. You’ll wake up refreshed & alert, esp after ur boss yells at you about how “this habit has to stop”

 

Aparna Nancherla@aparnapkin

I feel like sarcasm won “Thanks a lot” in a custody battle with sincerity, and it’s never coming back.

 

Drew Landry@DrewTheComedian

today is Woody Allen’s birthday. He’ll celebrate by going out to dinner with his wife and daughter. Unfortunately, it’ll be a table for 2.

-TOO SOON-YI!

 

And my best:

jon yeager@toosoon_huh

I know what you’re thinking- why couldn’t it have been Kanye?

See y’all next week!

Yeager

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