In honor of Rob Ford, everyone’s favorite crack-addled mayor (eat your heart out, Marion Barry), here are this week’s smoking tweets!
rob ford just an elaborate hoax to make americans think toronto is cool
-Next idea: universal healthcare! Ha! What will those Canucks think of next?!
Day 1 of my Korean BBQ, tobacco, and whiskey cleanse went really well
-Keep pushing, Stavros.
I didn’t play Pokemon because I was cool and played sports, can I still be a comedian?
-Nah, that’s a little too well adjusted. Horrible breakup? Adolescent acne? Adult acne? Parental disappointment? C’mon Mikey, give us something!
Things I just picked up at Kmart: 1) zit cream 2) cat-earred ear muffs 3) batteries 4) not men
-There’s a blue light special on loneliness.
“teen wolf” is a completely unbelievable movie. i buy that a teenager turns into a wolf, but there is no way that michael j fox can dunk
One of my favorite words is “divorcee”, because it makes loneliness and disappointment sound kind of sexy and glamorous.
-Fiancee—> Divorcee—>Wearing your mother’s negligee?
Yo, how do porcupines even have babies without the little quills tearing up their snatch?
-Um, they are used to handling little pricks?
I just asked what gravy is made from. Up til this point, I thought we were juicing a giant yam or something.
unplug your router, wait 15 secs, turn it back on- is the contemporary equivalent of blowing in a Nintendo cartridge- somehow it just works
– You got game, boy.
Bagels are so tasty it’s a shame their middles are missing
-Bagels are secretly donuts that go to the gym all the time.
And my tweet:
Toronto Mayor Ford removed from power. Makes sense- Fords always break down
See y’all next week!