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T.W.I.T – Rob Ford

T.W.I.T – Rob Ford

In honor of Rob Ford, everyone’s favorite crack-addled mayor (eat your heart out, Marion Barry), here are this week’s smoking tweets!

 

Dana Bell@danacbell 

rob ford just an elaborate hoax to make americans think toronto is cool

-Next idea: universal healthcare! Ha! What will those Canucks think of next?!

 

Stav@StavComedy

Day 1 of my Korean BBQ, tobacco, and whiskey cleanse went really well

-Keep pushing, Stavros.

 

Michael Larrick@MichaelLarrick 

I didn’t play Pokemon because I was cool and played sports, can I still be a comedian?

-Nah, that’s a little too well adjusted. Horrible breakup? Adolescent acne? Adult acne? Parental disappointment? C’mon Mikey, give us something!

 

Mariya Alexander@MariyaAlexander 

Things I just picked up at Kmart: 1) zit cream 2) cat-earred ear muffs 3) batteries 4) not men

-There’s a blue light special on loneliness.

 

Danny Charnley@DanKCharnley 

“teen wolf” is a completely unbelievable movie. i buy that a teenager turns into a wolf, but there is no way that michael j fox can dunk

 

David Tveite@killtveite 

One of my favorite words is “divorcee”, because it makes loneliness and disappointment sound kind of sexy and glamorous.

-Fiancee—> Divorcee—>Wearing your mother’s negligee?

 

Michael J. Foody@MichaelJFoody 

Yo, how do porcupines even have babies without the little quills tearing up their snatch?

-Um, they are used to handling little pricks?

 

Tyler Richardson@HideAndGoTyler 

I just asked what gravy is made from. Up til this point, I thought we were juicing a giant yam or something.

 

Adam Friedland@AdamFriedland

unplug your router, wait 15 secs, turn it back on- is the contemporary equivalent of blowing in a Nintendo cartridge- somehow it just works

– You got game, boy.

 

Natalie Shure@nataliesurely 

Bagels are so tasty it’s a shame their middles are missing

-Bagels are secretly donuts that go to the gym all the time.

 

And my tweet:

jon yeager@toosoon_huh 

Toronto Mayor Ford removed from power. Makes sense- Fords always break down

 

See y’all next week!

Jon Yeager

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