As the Richie Incognito and Jonathan Martin bullying saga continues, LYGO’s finest continue their own bullying efforts. Here’s this week’s best tweets!
If Richie Incognito can’t play football anymore, he can always fall back on a career as a cartoon detective.
-I see him as like the dog from Ben and Jerry, but with a neck tattoo. And, also, racist.
The first step to learning magic: Find a tuxedo rental shop that’s going out of business.
-Next stop: Find pet store with bunny sale.
-After that: Back to Parent’s Basement.
I’d like that band Imagine Dragons a lot better if they were actually imaginary.
-Now that’s bullying that I can rally behind.
don’t cut in line, you’re bleeding all over the place
-People who cut in line are wrist takers.
CONFESSION: I didn’t know what Jewish people were until I started doing comedy.\
-If only the Nazis had seen a couple shows…..nah, the Holocaust woulda still happened.
An albino man in front of me on the metro just threw up. I’m only upset it wasn’t completely white.
-It was tough to tell he was getting sick; he looked pale already.
I just realized my new haircut is merely a fashionable ‘Flock of Seagulls’ cut. This should be a great first date.
-And she raaaaan, she ran so far away…..
“Wow! Check out those huge jugs!” -Me, at my town’s annual Large Jug and Jar Festival, pointing out a woman with large breasts
-Her cups runneth over.
“Maybe I’m just like my mother / loves to eat Satisfries” – Burger Prince
-How long has this food been just standing/ Maybe my Whopper is too cold/
-And everyone deserves respect and a fair shake from HR until they get a face tattoo.
And from me:
Miami Dolphins let five year old cancer patient run final play, Richie Incognito crushes him with tackle, calls him “soft.”
See y’all next week!