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T.W.I.T. – Turn Your Clocks Back

T.W.I.T. – Turn Your Clocks Back

We’ve turned the clock back an hour with this week’s Tweets. Or is that #Turntback?

 

Aparna Nancherla@aparnapkin

Don’t forget to turn back your clocks to when you felt joy & meaning in this fragile shell of existence

-There aren’t enough hours in the day….

 

Andy Kline@AndyKline74 

Now that the NFL’s breast cancer awareness promotion is over, Jets fans can resume yelling “show your tits” at every woman at the stadium.

 

Erik Bergstrom@Erik_Bergstrom 

I might be drunk, but I’m convinced that with enough gin and a baseball bat I could defeat a world champion fencer.

-This’ll be epee-c.

 

Señor Max Rose@MrMaxRose

It’s a fact that sex actually boosts the immune system. “Hey girl. You wanna come back to my place? What I got is better than any flu shot.”

– ^How Max was fired from CVS. ^

 

David Frighty@killtveite

Guy with sandals on talking to a guy chewing tobacco outside this show. Virginia makes some industrial strength white people.

-This joke sponsored by Wrangler Jeans.

 

Katherine Timpf@kctimpf

Last night I went to Red Lobster ate a pound of candy then passed out so I was a divorced woman for Halloween.

-Brag.

 

Danny Charnley@DanKCharnley 

found a slap-bracelet and a Whitesnake tape in my old jean jacket so i better take a nap before things get too crazy

-There you go again, on your own.

 

Mariya Alexander@MariyaAlexander

Women can actually experience THREE kinds of orgasms: clitoral, vaginal, and being-told-they-were-right-while-eating-chocolate-al.

 

Rahmein Mostafavi@CoolCowComedy

Hey, Kid that only puts on a tie as a Halloween costume, how about you put on that tie and go get a grown up job, cuz you suck at being a kid.

-With that type of effort, he’ll likely be a CEO someday.

 

Elahe Izadi@ElaheIzadi

Christopher Columbus, the original gentrifier. Has this joke been made yet?

-1492 times, to be exact.

 

And all I got:

jon yeager@toosoon_huh 

Turntup is good. Turntdown is ok. Turntsideways requires medical attention.

 

See y’all next week!

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