We’ve turned the clock back an hour with this week’s Tweets. Or is that #Turntback?
Don’t forget to turn back your clocks to when you felt joy & meaning in this fragile shell of existence
-There aren’t enough hours in the day….
Now that the NFL’s breast cancer awareness promotion is over, Jets fans can resume yelling “show your tits” at every woman at the stadium.
I might be drunk, but I’m convinced that with enough gin and a baseball bat I could defeat a world champion fencer.
-This’ll be epee-c.
It’s a fact that sex actually boosts the immune system. “Hey girl. You wanna come back to my place? What I got is better than any flu shot.”
– ^How Max was fired from CVS. ^
Guy with sandals on talking to a guy chewing tobacco outside this show. Virginia makes some industrial strength white people.
-This joke sponsored by Wrangler Jeans.
Last night I went to Red Lobster ate a pound of candy then passed out so I was a divorced woman for Halloween.
found a slap-bracelet and a Whitesnake tape in my old jean jacket so i better take a nap before things get too crazy
-There you go again, on your own.
Women can actually experience THREE kinds of orgasms: clitoral, vaginal, and being-told-they-were-right-while-eating-chocolate-al.
Hey, Kid that only puts on a tie as a Halloween costume, how about you put on that tie and go get a grown up job, cuz you suck at being a kid.
-With that type of effort, he’ll likely be a CEO someday.
Christopher Columbus, the original gentrifier. Has this joke been made yet?
-1492 times, to be exact.
And all I got:
Turntup is good. Turntdown is ok. Turntsideways requires medical attention.
See y’all next week!