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T.W.I.T. – Halloween and Chris Brown

T.W.I.T. – Halloween and Chris Brown

This week’s tweets deal with Chris Brown and Halloween- Smashing Pumpkins!

 

Sampson@OfficialSampson

Yep, Chris Brown got locked up for fighting again. How the hell you gonna have a temper problem, with bleach blonde hair??

– Suzanne Summers once killed a guy. Not even Thighmaster related.

 

Dana Bell@danacbell

guys the NSA was just spying on the French because they wanted to know the French’s secret to staying so slim!!!!

-Ooh LaLaLitigation.

 

Danny Charnley@DanKCharnley

this is NOT a Halloween costume, jerk. i’m on my way to karate practice

-KungFooled me.

 

Jono Zalay@JonoZalay

There is a glitch on facebook where I can’t like any of your pictures. It might last a couple years.

-ZuckerBURN!

 

abe barth@AbeThoughts

i photoshopped my face into a picture with two kids, a wife, dog, and house. when my boss sees it on my desk, it’ll be harder to fire me

-I do the same thing, but me beating Check Norris in thumbwrestling. Also, I’m unemployed.

 

Comedian Dave Siegel@StandUpDave

Candy Corn counts towards daily vegetable intake right?

-Raisenettes are a fruit serving too on the Diabetes food pyramid.

 

Mariya Alexander@MariyaAlexander

If a woman compliments your outfit, by law you must tell her where you bought it, how much it cost & mutter something about how fat you feel

 

David Frighty@killtveite

“Take it off! Now put it on again! Take it off again! Put it on! Take it off! Put it on! Take it off! Okay, good.” – OCD guy at strip club

– This guy also stacks dollar bills “just so” before placing them carefully on stage, in multiples of four.

 

Erik Bergstrom@Erik_Bergstrom 

People think Dean Martin had a drinking problem. No, he had a Jerry Lewis solution.

-*Jerry Lewis makes pickle face* “But, WHYYYYY Dean, WHYYYYY?”

 

Rich Bennett@HowTallAreYou 

Apparently getting rejected from a jury is as easy as having a shitty memory about cops you’ve met. Thank you, alcohol!

-Rich, that isn’t a jury, you’re on trial for DUI, and you can’t sit there.

 

And for me:

jon yeager@toosoon_huh 

I got compliments on my Halloween costume. I’m not dressed in costume. #FML

 

See y’all next week!

Yeager

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