This week’s tweets deal with Chris Brown and Halloween- Smashing Pumpkins!
Yep, Chris Brown got locked up for fighting again. How the hell you gonna have a temper problem, with bleach blonde hair??
– Suzanne Summers once killed a guy. Not even Thighmaster related.
guys the NSA was just spying on the French because they wanted to know the French’s secret to staying so slim!!!!
this is NOT a Halloween costume, jerk. i’m on my way to karate practice
There is a glitch on facebook where I can’t like any of your pictures. It might last a couple years.
i photoshopped my face into a picture with two kids, a wife, dog, and house. when my boss sees it on my desk, it’ll be harder to fire me
-I do the same thing, but me beating Check Norris in thumbwrestling. Also, I’m unemployed.
Candy Corn counts towards daily vegetable intake right?
-Raisenettes are a fruit serving too on the Diabetes food pyramid.
If a woman compliments your outfit, by law you must tell her where you bought it, how much it cost & mutter something about how fat you feel
“Take it off! Now put it on again! Take it off again! Put it on! Take it off! Put it on! Take it off! Okay, good.” – OCD guy at strip club
– This guy also stacks dollar bills “just so” before placing them carefully on stage, in multiples of four.
People think Dean Martin had a drinking problem. No, he had a Jerry Lewis solution.
-*Jerry Lewis makes pickle face* “But, WHYYYYY Dean, WHYYYYY?”
Apparently getting rejected from a jury is as easy as having a shitty memory about cops you’ve met. Thank you, alcohol!
-Rich, that isn’t a jury, you’re on trial for DUI, and you can’t sit there.
And for me:
I got compliments on my Halloween costume. I’m not dressed in costume.
See y’all next week!