This week, we were totally stoked to see LYGODC Alum and all around awesome person Aparna Nancherla on CONAN. Yep. That happened. Oh, and also that shutdown thing ended. Coincidence?
Aparna gets two tweets this week in the top ten, because in the bylaws it says if you do a national tv show, you get one bonus tweet. This also applies if someone cleans my car, does my laundry, or gets me on a national tv show.
“Were you in a good mood? Let me help you with that.” -Internet comments
Is that a cookie in your pocket or THERE IS NO OR GIMME THAT COOKIE
-Cookie Monster doesn’t seem to be doing well with the lower Lithium dosage….
Excuse me, wheres the cute girl that was just here? yes, its urgent. I only have 15 mins until the self confidence from my good set runs out
-Confidence? A good set? What’s that like?
The Dunkin’ Donuts guy who put in my coffee order by saying “she wants it large, hot and black” is clearly making the most of his job.
-America Puns on Dunkin’ (TM)
My Halloween costume this year is “Man without dignity.”
-I’ll send you my headshots.
Just once I’d like to hear a rapper be honest and admit he’s like the numba 8 or 9 stunna.
-MC Humblebrag layin’ it down.
-When a tanning salon closed its doors, Boehner realized this was hitting home.
here’s a little tip:
i’m sorry, i’m just not that into you.
there we go
-Crouching comedian, hidden joke format
Don’t try to stick a square peg in a round hole unless the hole is feeling adventurous and tells you it’s okay just this one time.
-Mariya, meet Danny. Danny, meet Mariya.
Watching a dude get declined
@McDonalds is the saddest part of my day.
-She’s not lovin’ it.
And my snarky offering of the week:
“I’m sorry, Miss Jackson, I am for real”-Maury Povich reiterating the DNA test results to an incredulous guest whose last name is Jackson.
We’ll do better next week, folks.