These were the best tweets we could come up with while the brilliant speed limit trucker protest was upon us.
wow you might say this whole Beltway protest is full of some real Truck Nutz™
-Most didn’t have the balls.
Redskins are losing more ground than the original Native Americans.
-Cowboys are really blanketing them on defense.
One of the sexiest things a girl can say right before you hook up is “seriously, don’t tell anyone about this.”
– You know her too?
I want to buy a Hummer, but my penis isn’t small enough.
-I always say, “the higher the wheels, the lower the testosterone.”
Wore fuck me boots tonight. Didn’t wear socks, so fuck, me.
-What about fuck me flip-flops? You could wear three thongs at once!
Hash browns. And in a few days, so does every other vegetable.
-Many will wilt away at the laughs this pun produce-s.
It feels like my heart is holding in a sneeze.
-Love is always stifled or shows on your sleeve.
If you sing the Nickelback song Hero (from the Spider-Man soundtrack) loudly as you exit the airport, people get out of your way
-Or any Nickelback song.
Shout out to Christopher Columbus and his amazing discovery, gentrification.
-His dream is still alive, like MLK’s, but with more Starbucks and forced evictions.
From talking politics in NYC to telling jokes in DC– I seem to have it backwards today.
-Next stop, banking in Detroit!
And my best:
Who needs the truckers to clog up traffic on 495 when you have the elderly and rain?
See you all next week!