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T.W.I.T. – Government Shutdown

T.W.I.T. – Government Shutdown

The Government Shutdown happened. Nobody furloughs the trouble we’ve seen, nobody forloughs our sorrows….

 

SugglifeDC@SugglifeDC 

Somewhere….a government worker is embarking on his lifelong dream of rapping.”Sittin’ on that furlough/sippin’ on that Merlot” #shutemdown

-“Beef over this care act/ got my life off track/ Teabag the tea party/ Like Carnivale, this Cruz is whack” *

*drops mic, enjoys a Yoohoo and a Fig Newton

 

Dana Bell@danacbell 

You Won’t believe this one government’s trick to slimming down

-Spam or porkbarrel?

 

Natalie Patricia@nataliesurely 

Tom Clancy wrote books?! I thought those were just rec room decorations for America’s uncles.

-Could you find them in Uncle Tom’s cabin?

 

Danny Charnley@DanKCharnley

Do they give awards for depression?

-The “Xanny’s?”

 

Valentine X@ValntineXJack

The Republican Party has made a job at WalMart look more appealing than a federal government job

-Until they “rollback” employees, that is.

 

Brian Kerns@briankerns

My goal in comedy is to get an applause break of ass clapping.

-Keep Twerking on it.

 

Michael Larrick@MichaelLarrick

Eli is earning his spot at the kids’ table at the Manning house this Thanksgiving.

-Also, they won’t ask him to pass anything. Please just hand it off.

 

Elahe Izadi@ElaheIzadi

Gone With The Breaking Wind #AddaWordRuinaMovie

-Look Who’s Never Talking? #AddaWordRuinaMovieAndalsoMeAndMyExGfStatus

 

Brandon Fisher@BrandOnBrandOut 

The slogan for non alcoholic beer should be, “Me too guys. Hey, wait up.”

-This six-pack ain’t in the Wolfpack.

 

Mariya Alexander@MariyaAlexander

Don’t we usually invade countries that use force and scare tactics to subvert the democratic process and hijack the government?

-But, um, yeah, like, uh, this is totally different, um, like, yeah, freedom, and, uh, constitution, and, stuff- “America”

 

ALSO, THIS BONUS LYGO BABY ALERT TWEET:

Rodney Rothstein@adrianrodney 

She”s cute….we finally get to take her home tomorrow… pic.twitter.com/I5GK2jTeLV

 

Congrats to Adrian Rodney, new Papa!

 

Here’s my offering for this week:

jon yeager@toosoon_huh

It’s a goddamned furlough, show some respect!- me, to Taco Bell employee who is stingy with salsa packets.

 

See y’all next week!

Jon Yeager

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