The Government Shutdown happened. Nobody furloughs the trouble we’ve seen, nobody forloughs our sorrows….
Somewhere….a government worker is embarking on his lifelong dream of rapping.”Sittin’ on that furlough/sippin’ on that Merlot”
-“Beef over this care act/ got my life off track/ Teabag the tea party/ Like Carnivale, this Cruz is whack” *
*drops mic, enjoys a Yoohoo and a Fig Newton
You Won’t believe this one government’s trick to slimming down
-Spam or porkbarrel?
Tom Clancy wrote books?! I thought those were just rec room decorations for America’s uncles.
-Could you find them in Uncle Tom’s cabin?
Do they give awards for depression?
The Republican Party has made a job at WalMart look more appealing than a federal government job
-Until they “rollback” employees, that is.
My goal in comedy is to get an applause break of ass clapping.
-Keep Twerking on it.
Eli is earning his spot at the kids’ table at the Manning house this Thanksgiving.
-Also, they won’t ask him to pass anything. Please just hand it off.
Gone With The Breaking Wind
-Look Who’s Never Talking? #AddaWordRuinaMovieAndalsoMeAndMyExGfStatus
The slogan for non alcoholic beer should be, “Me too guys. Hey, wait up.”
-This six-pack ain’t in the Wolfpack.
Don’t we usually invade countries that use force and scare tactics to subvert the democratic process and hijack the government?
-But, um, yeah, like, uh, this is totally different, um, like, yeah, freedom, and, uh, constitution, and, stuff- “America”
ALSO, THIS BONUS LYGO BABY ALERT TWEET:
She”s cute….we finally get to take her home tomorrow… pic.twitter.com/I5GK2jTeLV
Congrats to Adrian Rodney, new Papa!
Here’s my offering for this week:
It’s a goddamned furlough, show some respect!- me, to Taco Bell employee who is stingy with salsa packets.
See y’all next week!