Facebuzzed Vol. 34 – Miller 64

Facebuzzed Vol. 34 – Miller 64
This week on Facebuzzed we visit Miller 64. A beer light on alcohol and apparently taste, Miller 64 was obviously phishing for some positive praise when it posed this question to its fans:
miller 64

Dierdra, you’re the reason I wear headphones on the bus.
Also $10 says you ride the #70 Metrobus on a regular basis.

But judging by the majority of the posts, it looks like Miller 64 is trying to be the “Let’s Move Campaign” of the beer world. Every other post was about exercise or working out at the gym:
miller 64

You’ll look even funnier after you puke up that light beer you just drank.

Yes Miller 64 was very heavy into the healthy lifestyle movement, despite the fact it sells a product that leads to a variety of chronic diseases. That shined through when they asked its fans to share their New Year’s Resolutions:

miller 64

Candy meet Cirrhosis. Cirrhosis, meet Candy.

Telling everyone you quit smoking on a beer fan page is like sitting directly on a public toilet seat to piss and then using hand sanitizer. (1) It’s counterproductive (2) You’re not going to come out of the situation feeling clean (literally or figuratively) (3) You might have both internal and external versions of what I’m certain is the ass plague.
And the resolutions didn’t stop there:
five pounds

Cathy, you realize you can never drink real beer again if you plan to keep this up, right? One Guinness and you’ll have those 5 lbs back.

And finally, this one seemed less of a resolution and more of a plan to brew her/his own beer to stop drinking Miller 64:

organic hops

Hey. Technically this does say “New Beers” resolutions.