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T.W.I.T. – NFL

T.W.I.T. – NFL

The NFL has begun play, and, hopefully, LYGO’s crack team of tweeters wiped their wing sauce soaked hands off before composing this week’s contributions. If not, I’ll be right over to lick your keyboards and smart phones.

danny rouhier@funnydanny

Just tossing this out there, if you have a newborn any other time than the NFL season or March Madness, you’ve missed a great opportunity

-First, congrats on the newborn, Danny. Also, I have a spot for the little one in my fantasy league, $25 buy in. #easymoney

 

Jared Logan@JaredLogan

Maybe Dennis Rodman should talk to Syria for us?

-Then they could turn on the gas again…..

 

Rahmein Mostafavi@CoolCowComedy

As a parent, doing the “3 count” in public to get my kids to behave generally goes like this, “1..2.., DID YOU HEAR ME?…1…”

-My father is German, he’d count to “Nein!”

 

M. K. Paulsen@mkpaulsen

Why does easy listening almost always make want to kill myself?

-Easy Listening is a hard sell.

 

Hanley@hanleybadger

Dairy products can neither be created nor destroyed. They simply change form.

-Yoghurt it here first, folks.

 

Pete Bladel@PeteBladel 

A Starbucks without a public bathroom is just a Dunkin Donuts with worse food.

-They insist it is a “fair trade.”

 

Natalie M.@littlenightowl 6 Sep

Almost 30 & had to google “How to put on makeup.” Would rather google “How to bribe brother’s wedding photog to photoshop out my acne scars”

-I am googling “how to be invited to weddings.” Could be worse.

 

#TylerRichardson@DontSlurp

How expensive would it be to get a guide dog? Maybe I can befriend a blind person who will let me borrow it onstage.

-Not to sound like a jerk, but I gotta see this.

 

David Tveite@killtveite

There are a lot of great things about this season of Breaking Bad, but honestly I just think it’s nice to see neo-Nazis getting some work.

-I like Neo-Nazi character actors, as long as they are not method actors. But these would be meth-od actors, anyway. *

*I’ll show myself out.

 

Stav@StavComedy

Someone just called their sandwich “anticlimactic.” Was he expecting a better 3rd act? “Yo my lunch sucked today there were no plot twists”

-The hero fell flat.

 

And my contribution (besides obviously really brilliant comments):

jon yeager@toosoon_huh

“Say my name.”-Walter White

“Saymynamesaymyname.”-Destiny’s Child

“Saaaaaaaaayyyyyy mmmmmmyyyy naaaaaaaammmmmeeeee”-Florence and the Machine

See you all next week!

Jon Yeager

 

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