This week on Facebuzzed we visit both Magner’s and Redd’s Apple Ale. Why am I doing two at the same time? Maybe because I saw virtually no difference between their two Facebook pages…or I was deliriously hungry* when I wrote this and thought they were the same company. Either way, they’re still two crisp apple flavored beverages that, weirdly enough, both touted themselves as the perfect beverage for lunch in the countryside:
It was when Redd’s jumped on the cider-at-a-picnic bandwagon that they decided to ask their fans an important question:
I’m not sure what my perfect picnic basket is but I do know it won’t be filled with all the trappings of a fart-filled ride back home.
And Jesus have you heard of sandwiches, Redd? A layer of cheese will not absorb the apple sugar fuel they’re going to consume (or lower their B.A.C. when they get pulled over by a cop).
But since you’d have to consume more cider than the food in the basket, it reminds you that the whole point of these pages is to be cocky about your beverage. So cocky that they’re sure Mr. Appleseed himself would’ve swilled a bottle:
I don’t think we want to imagine a world where Johnny Appleseed discovered fermented apples. For starters it would unravel Redd’s entire business model. Huge parts of the Eastern and Midwestern U.S. would never see an apple tree. And schoolchildren would instead learn about Johnny Bananadoo, an inebriated but well meaning American pioneer who tried to plant whole bananas in the ground and use his poop as fertilizer.
Finally since we’re talking about apples so much, Magner’s wanted to know the modern day response to a classic idiom. Perhaps they should add “uplifting” between “an” and “apple phrase” the next time they do a fan poll:
* = drinking a real beer