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T.W.I.T. – Mixed Metaphors and Love

T.W.I.T. – Mixed Metaphors and Love

As summer love eludes our grasp, our crack team at LYGO mixes metaphors and does their best in the minefield of mating.

Here are the top ten tweets of the week, along with my (Jon Yeager- @toosoon_huh) best offering and commentary.

 

Rahmein Mostafavi@CoolCowComedy 

Sometimes only using half of a metaphor can totally change things, ie, “We have a baby in the oven.”

-Sounds like a proud German family circa 1940.

 

Sara Armour@SaraArmour 

“Set was ok. I lost them at ‘pussy fat’ ” – @ClassicNunez

“no one ever ‘got them’ at ‘pussy fat’ ” –@AndyKline74

– Ah, the nuances of stand-up.

 

#TylerRichardson@DontSlurp

I wish you hadn’t sat next to me, I moved over for an attractive woman behind you. On the @wmata, hoping he reads my phone. #Bromance

-That’s not fare. There’s no (bus) pass for that.

 

Hanley@hanleybadger

The best part of all Wolverine movies is when a lady tells Wolverine a spirit animal story in bed.

-Even after sex with Wolverine, women want to talk. Ugh.

 

Boxcar Adult@NonProfitComic

My new rap name is Otto Von Biz Markie. You’re welcome history.

-White people will now sing horrifically to your top hit.

 

Aparna Nancherla@aparnapkin

Alone at the theater watching an independent movie on a Wednesday afternoon like a character in an independent movie

-When art imitates life, why can’t it be the lovemaking scenes?

 

Dixon Sider@willhessler

Between the peeling out at intersections & loud ass stereos dudes have in their cars, it amazes me that there’s any pussy for the rest of us

-The Fast, The Furious, and The Lonesome People Who Obey Traffic Laws and Aren’t Genetically Thinning The Herd.

 

George P Gordon III@GeorgePGordon3

I’m bartending a dubstep show tonight. I don’t know much about dubstep but I should expect that everyone will be on drugs, correct?

-My favorite parts of dubstep shows are power outages and overdoses.

 

Erika Wasser@WorldOfWasser

Plan B: for when plan A goes perfectly.

-I’ve never gotten to Plan B. Or A. Or second base.

 

Katherine Timpf@kctimpf

The only people who care to see 329490284902384 of your wedding pictures were already there to see it live.

-Kat Timpf is available for Maid of Honor speeches, folks.

 

jon yeager@toosoon_huh

If a man is cleaning his bathroom, cleaning his car, and changing his bed sheets all in the same day, he has a date.

-My place is still a mess.

See y’all next week,

JWY

 

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