As summer love eludes our grasp, our crack team at LYGO mixes metaphors and does their best in the minefield of mating.
Here are the top ten tweets of the week, along with my (Jon Yeager- @toosoon_huh) best offering and commentary.
Sometimes only using half of a metaphor can totally change things, ie, “We have a baby in the oven.”
-Sounds like a proud German family circa 1940.
“Set was ok. I lost them at ‘pussy fat’ ” –
“no one ever ‘got them’ at ‘pussy fat’ ” –
– Ah, the nuances of stand-up.
-That’s not fare. There’s no (bus) pass for that.
The best part of all Wolverine movies is when a lady tells Wolverine a spirit animal story in bed.
-Even after sex with Wolverine, women want to talk. Ugh.
My new rap name is Otto Von Biz Markie. You’re welcome history.
-White people will now sing horrifically to your top hit.
Alone at the theater watching an independent movie on a Wednesday afternoon like a character in an independent movie
-When art imitates life, why can’t it be the lovemaking scenes?
Between the peeling out at intersections & loud ass stereos dudes have in their cars, it amazes me that there’s any pussy for the rest of us
-The Fast, The Furious, and The Lonesome People Who Obey Traffic Laws and Aren’t Genetically Thinning The Herd.
I’m bartending a dubstep show tonight. I don’t know much about dubstep but I should expect that everyone will be on drugs, correct?
-My favorite parts of dubstep shows are power outages and overdoses.
Plan B: for when plan A goes perfectly.
-I’ve never gotten to Plan B. Or A. Or second base.
The only people who care to see 329490284902384 of your wedding pictures were already there to see it live.
-Kat Timpf is available for Maid of Honor speeches, folks.
If a man is cleaning his bathroom, cleaning his car, and changing his bed sheets all in the same day, he has a date.
-My place is still a mess.
See y’all next week,