The Original Gangster—Ronald Reagan in Sweatpants

The Original Gangster—Ronald Reagan in Sweatpants

Ronald Reagan in gray sweat pants

Vladimir Putin works really hard trying to prove to the world that he’s a gangster. He runs around fighting judo, riding horses while shirtless, and he even pretends that Russian elections are free. But, in all of Putin’s former KGB-gansterness, he doesn’t hold a candle to the original gangster—Ronald Reagan.

Ronald Reagan’s sweatpants and dress shirt ensemble is the epitome of business casual. He isn’t wearing any old sweatpants. He is wearing GRAY sweatpants, the mother of all sweatpants. Gray sweatpants are the universal symbol for I-don’t-give-a-fuck. Now that is a gangster.  He’s entire outfit is the mullet of clothing. Instead of business in the front and party in the back, he has leader of the free world on top and picking Doritos crumbs out of my fat rolls on the bottom.

Notice his shoes. He is wearing leather dress shoes with his sweatpants. They are almost tucked in. Now that’s presidential. Be sure to observe the waistline. The waist is high, but not yet up to his nipples, which says I don’t belong in a home, but I’m not afraid to share my wisdom. Straight gangster.
I wish Reagan showed up to international talks dressed like this. If he did the giant red birthmark resembling Greece would have melted off of Gorbachev’s head and the cold war would have ended then and there. (Gorby was the General Secretary and then the first President of Russia, for all of you who only read People magazine.)

Ronald Reagan was also a trendsetter. People used to dress up to fly. Nowadays the airport looks like a yoga pants convention. To all you lululemon-loving ladies paying $100 per pair of leggings made by Sri Lankan children for 50 cents an hour, you have Ronald Reagan to thank. Before the days of yoga pants, women (and men from New Jersey) used to show up to the airport wearing velour track suits a la Jennifer Lopez in the late nineties. That was a magical time in the airport because my nana and I dressed alike, and we both felt fabulous!

Teddy Roosevelt is not Ronald ReganThe US has been blessed with several gangster presidents. Teddy Roosevelt was famous for his cowboy personality and robust masculinity. He had a handlebar mustache for God’s sake. Ask any hipster or man alive in the 70s and they will tell you that nothing says man like a handlebar mustache.  He was shot in the chest while giving a speech, and didn’t stop speaking. He only sought medical attention afterwards and survived even though it was 1912. He coined the phrase and foreign policy mantra: “speak softly and carry a big stick”, which sounds like a lyric from a Robin Thicke song. It’s so dirty. Gangster and sexy? Yes and Yes.  To read more about bad ass presidents, check out this popular and brilliant article by CRACKED.

If you still doubt that Ronald Reagan was a gangster, check out this video on how he handled an assault from a protester.