Unfortunately, “eating meat” is not a euphemism for Jenny McCarthy. See for yourself:
So, Jenny McCarthy, a vegan spokeswoman, eats a chicken salad in a sexy new Carl’s Jr. commercial. In Jenny’s defense, she eats meat sometimes—like when she’s hungry. I have total respect for vegans. They are on the right side of morality. I even tried a vegan diet for while until I nearly passed out from living off of soy-glazed cardboard.
Why would “vegan” Jenny McCarthy do such a commercial? Apparently plastic surgery doesn’t pay for itself. However, if she wouldn’t have plastic surgery, she couldn’t get any work, thus completing the circle of life. She’s like an English professor who spends her career training other future English professors. What a great gift to humanity.
I can’t hate Jenny for trying to make some money. At the right price I would probably eat a salad while topless and saying, “Look Ma! Aren’t you glad you paid for college?!”
Carl’s Jr.’s marketing department needs to get a few things straight. Jenny’s sexy ad is clearly geared for men, even though men don’t go to Carl’s Jr. to eat salad. They go to eat burgers. Then the question remains, who eats salad? WOMEN, clearly! As a middle-class white woman, I am an expert in salads. I live off of them. I usually eat a cupcake after a salad in order to maintain balance in the universe. A little tip for those trying to catch a white woman, just put a salad and a cupcake in a bear trap. If that doesn’t work, try mimosas.
If women eat salad, shouldn’t the commercial be geared towards women? Jenny McCartney’s commercial doesn’t make me want to buy salad. It makes me want to take a knitting needle and deflate one of her breasts. The other will live on to remind the world of the pair’s former glory.
So what should Carl’s Jr. new salad commercial look like? How about a shirtless Ryan Gosling holding a baby goat while the goat eats salad? Now that’s an ad that makes me want to eat some meat.
Jessica is a stand-up comedian based out of Washington, DC. Follow her on twitter @Jessicabrodkin