This week’s Tweets from DMV’s top comed—-I’mma let you finish but Kanye West and Kim Kardashian had the greatest birth of all time:
You guys, Kanye isn’t an asshole he just brought enough self confidence to share.
To the best father in the world…thanks for never hitting me even though you were always drunk! Happy Father’s Day!
Found out one of my best friends is moving across the country… This is like Heath Ledger’s death all over again.
Improv allows a group of people to be secretly disparaging towards one person in the troupe. Whilst everyone else disparages the troupe…
If I show up to the office, but nobody is around to see it, did I really work?
It would really suck to finish first in a threesome and be stuck there because the other guy’s car is blocking you in the driveway.
turns out the real derecho was just us all along.
When does the Katy Perry summer jam that we all pretend to hate but secretly know all the words to come out?
Okay let’s take it down a few hundred notches, dude with manicured goatee and backwards cap blasting Limp Bizkit in your top down
“Storm’s brewing…” – Wolverine asking if anybody wants coffee.