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T.W.I.T. – Kim Kardashian and Kanye West

T.W.I.T. – Kim Kardashian and Kanye West

This week’s Tweets from DMV’s top comed—-I’mma let you finish but Kanye West and Kim Kardashian had the greatest birth of all time:

 

Pete Bladel ‏@PeteBladel 

You guys, Kanye isn’t an asshole he just brought enough self confidence to share.

 

M. K. Paulsen ‚Äè@mkpaulsen

To the best father in the world…thanks for never hitting me even though you were always drunk! Happy Father’s Day!

 

Jheisson Nuñez ‏@ClassicNunez

Found out one of my best friends is moving across the country… This is like Heath Ledger’s death all over again.

 

Mjölnir ‏@EnglishmanChris

Improv allows a group of people to be secretly disparaging towards one person in the troupe. Whilst everyone else disparages the troupe…

 

Maxel Rose ‚Äè@WeWantMaxelRose

If I show up to the office, but nobody is around to see it, did I really work?

 

Michael Larrick ‚Äè@MichaelLarrick

It would really suck to finish first in a threesome and be stuck there because the other guy’s car is blocking you in the driveway.

 

Dana Bell ‚Äè@danacbell

turns out the real derecho was just us all along.

 

Richard Game ‚Äè@blahmed

When does the Katy Perry summer jam that we all pretend to hate but secretly know all the words to come out?

 

Mariya Alexander ‚Äè@MariyaAlexander

Okay let’s take it down a few hundred notches, dude with manicured goatee and backwards cap blasting Limp Bizkit in your top down

Jeep.

 

——————– ‚Äè@LotsOfDashes

“Storm’s brewing…” – Wolverine asking if anybody wants coffee.

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