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T.W.I.T. – Cash and Relationships Edition

T.W.I.T. – Cash and Relationships Edition

This week’s¬†LYGO DC¬†selection of musings, jokes, and, general hilarity from the Twitter accounts of its stage alum cover breakups, kids, iPhone love, and all manner of relationships… also, money:

 

Mariya Alexander ‏@MariyaAlexander 

Grieving over a breakup is a lot like grieving over a death, yet my ex is still alive – that’s pretty rude of him.

 

Milner ‏@EnglishmanChris 

Sometimes I think I actually understand birds better than some humans’ tweets.

 

Jamel Johnson ‏@NonProfitComic 

Gentrify my pockets.

 

Nate J ‏@NateGotBetter 

Nothing more charming than hearing an error message ding on the DJ’s MacBook.

 

David Tveite ‏@killtveite 

My phone autocorrects “asshole” to “asshooooooooole!” Oh iPhone. You know me better than anyone.

 

Richard Game ‏@blahmed 

What if you’re a virgin thrown into a volcano and you get to heaven but you’re 1 of 42 waiting for an extremist to blow up? #patriarchy

 

Chels Shorte ‏@ChikaChels 

Yes, but imagine how insufferable I would be if I had a six pack. Now, be thankful.

 

Natalie M. ‏@littlenightowl 

Ran for train not bc I’m late but to beat a youth group to the faregate. Didn’t wanna hear their inane chatter about “hopes” & “dreams.”

 

Brandon Fisher ‏@BrandOnBrandOut 

You haven’t seen cheap until you see someone use an envelope for a wallet.

 

jon yeager ‏@jon_yeager 

I hate rich Englishmen because they have no trouble dropping pounds.

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