Know the joy of finding extra $$ in your jeans you didn’t know you had? That’s what finding out To Catch a Predator is on to me
To celebrate Jesus’ triumph over the villainous jews that tried to do him in, I’m going to eat 6 lambs by myself today. Happy Greek Easter!
I make it a point to find some quiet time to be alone with my anxieties and paranoias every day.
Is anyone wearing shorts to brunch or are we all pretending to be adults?
If you drive a pink Cadillac that means ur either doing well in Mary Kay, doing well in pimping or NOT doin well in choosing Cadillac colors
As a teenager, the ceiling fan would lift weights and listen to “Flight of the Valkyries,” dreaming of one day becoming a helicopter.
The drunker white people get, the closer they get when they talk to you. There’s a dude that’s had 4 shots – I think he wants to date me.
dating websites need a ‘curvy, but…um, not like THAT’ body type option.
Wish I had a gruff, manly voice. Like Sam Elliott or Kathleen Turner.
If you’re going to bring your kids to this bar, I am going to get real drunk in front of your kids. That way everyone learns something.