I read someone‚Äôs Facebook status recently, ‚Äúgetting old sucks!‚Äù Not!
Why are people are afraid of getting old? Getting old doesn‚Äôt suck in no way shape or form. What sucks is getting your mouth all ready for a Hostess Ho Ho‚Äôs¬Æ and being told that hostess went out of business, that sucks! I thought that it was only Twinkies¬Æ. No more Hostess brand bake goods! No more Ding Dongs¬Æ, Sno Balls¬Æ and Donettes¬Æ. The Sno Balls¬Æ is gone as well that sucks!
No wait, I‚Äôm a heterosexual man, I shouldn‚Äôt be putting anything with the word balls in my mouth.
When I get the munchies what do I do now? Huh? The Ho Ho‚Äôs¬Æ is no more! I just wanted to say, ‚Äúfuck my life!‚Äù That truly sucks! And then you find out your friend has cancer, that sucks! But no more Ho Ho‚Äôs¬Æ! I don‚Äôt have cancer or Ho Ho‚Äôs¬Æ Now that sucks!
Getting old doesn‚Äôt suck, you just need to make adjustments, starting with your pants! As a 40 something year old man that ¬†sagging pants thing has to come to an end when I become a grandparent. ¬†When I‚Äôm an old man my pants will sag for one of two reason: 1. I‚Äôve lost weight or 2. my belt is broke. ¬†My old draws ain‚Äôt cute or sexy! Plumber’s crack will attack if you don‚Äôt stand back! (yeah I‚Äôm rhymin‚Äô) I just don‚Äôt want to be that old guy with your pants sagging, not a good look.
We‚Äôve all seen that old man who doesn‚Äôt realize his fly is open after getting drunk at the family cookout. No man wants to point out to another that his zipper is down! ‚ÄúHey grandpa your ball sack is hanging out!!‚Äù Nope!! Grandpa will just be walking around the cookout with his ball sack hanging out. ¬†I‚Äôm not telling him! That is so gay! Why can‚Äôt grandpa feel that breeze when his balls are at his knees?
One day I‚Äôll be a grandpa, and when that happens I‚Äôll be walking around with my pants around my ankles! That was the style in my day! Why grandpa pants still saggin‚Äô ? Yeah I‚Äôll still be saggin‚Äô and I‚Äôll act like I don‚Äôt know it and blame it on old age. I‚Äôm old my hips don‚Äôt work like they use to. That‚Äôs what old people do.
Memory loss is common in the elderly. They normally forget to stop at stop signs, or stop lights, drive at least the speed limit, and forget to excuse themselves after farting. Just blame it on the dawg. I‚Äôll still be sagging only to show off my ball lift!
Adjustments had to be made. No shame in my game. I went under the knife and it makes me feel so much better about myself. So why not show off my new sack?¬†If Getting old doesn‚Äôt suck, but sitting on your old balls that are hanging low like you are the model for the pick-up truck balls! Sitting on your balls really sucks, so I‚Äôve heard… ¬†A ball sack lift is so necessary to get those old boys back high and tight! It‚Äôll make me feel so good and I can hold my head up high because my balls are no longer hung low.
Getting old doesn’t suck, it just makes you more appreciative of naps!
-Elton E. Howard Jr
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