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T.W.I.T. (This Week in Tweets)

T.W.I.T. (This Week in Tweets)

These tweets are brought to you by Scope Mouthwash–Now with minty fresh bacon! Some of the best in DC Comedy, LYGO Alum TWITs:

 

Tyler Richardson ‏@Ty1erRichardson 

“Yes, indubitably.” (Grabs hold of his suspenders)

 

Matty Litwack ‏@MattyShitwack 

These corporate suits know nothing. Combo-appliances are IN. The toilet/toaster would be a HUGE success. It would sell like toilet/hotcakes.

 

Kat Timpf ‏@kctimpf 

Easter aka 2 for $3 Filet O Fish is over 🙁 @McDonalds

 

©Mjölnir ‏@EnglishmanChris 

Did a bit last night about a repentant jihadist that I’m happy to say, did not bomb.

 

David Tveite ‏@killtveite 

At least one woman has allowed Antonin Scalia to have sex with her before. Think about that.

 

abe barth ‏@abe_barth 

good try frozen yogurt store that plays rap. that’s like putting rims on a pony.

 

David Carter ‏@_DavidCarter_ 

Homosexuality isn’t a choice. You’re born that way. It’s in their skinny genes.

 

Pat Riley ‏@PatRileyComedy 

Reddit is the Jacob’s Ladder of social networking

 

Jamel Johnson ‏@NonProfitComic 

Marriage is one of those things people do for the wrong reasons. Like getting non-prescription glasses or watching Battleship the Movie.

 

Ryan Schutt ‏@ryschutt 

America likes its gay marriage the same way it likes its teens: barely legal.

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