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T.W.I.T. This Week In Tweets

T.W.I.T. This Week In Tweets

abe barth ‚Äè@abe_barth

hey adults, when you tell kids to use their inside voice, it should be because you want to hear their thoughts

 

Jeff Maurer ‚Äè@jeffmaurer1980

Pope: “Diversity always works toward a higher & harmonious agreement.” “And diversity works best when there are no women or gays involved.”

 

Natalie Shure ‚Äè@natalieshure

why buy the cow when you already get to tie up the milk and call it a whore?

 

Mariya Alexander ‚Äè@MariyaAlexander

My favorite flavor of Haterade is sour grapes.

 

Tyler Richardson ‚Äè@Ty1erRichardson

Dear @McDonalds, please bring back Mighty Wings. Then your commercials with happy, dancing black people would make sense.

 

©Mjölnir ‏@EnglishmanChris

The evolutionary conundrum of eggs is only perplexed further by the fact they sponsor Creationism during Easter.

 

M. K. Paulsen ‚Äè@mkpaulsen

Sequestration is the federal government’s effort to get all the horse meat out of Ikea meatballs, right?!

 

Kat Timpf ‚Äè@kctimpf

I’m not gay but when see a girl with cat hair on her coat I wanna ask her if we can hold each other and meow #IsThatAThing

 

Maxel Rose ‚Äè@WeWantMaxelRose

Life of pie: you’re baked and then eaten.

 

David Tveite ‚Äè@killtveite

Dream job description: “Make a face like you’re concentrating while you read about sharks on Wikipedia.”

 

 

 

 

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