“And It’s Complicated”

“And It’s Complicated”

In honor of Valentine’s Day next week, I’d like to share with you a powerful story of modern young love. Snuggle up close with your sweetheart, grab a box of tissues, and read on for a truly moving account of how my boyfriend and I finally put our relationship status on Facebook.

Sadly, this is an entirely true story and has not been embellished for your amusement*.

My dear gentleman and I had been dating for almost eight months, had met each other’s parents and knew each other’s friends, and I was feeling a little anxious about defining the relationship. The only real argument we’ve ever had was when I tried to clarify our relationship some time before, so I was nervous about bringing it up again.

Luckily, he gave me a fantastic opportunity via gchat with this beautiful conversation:

Boyfriend: I dislike that I can’t tag non-facebook things anymore in pictures, or form relationships with things that don’t have facebook pages.

Me: what do you mean?

Example would be in a picture‚Ķ you used to be able to tag something and just type in some text. So I could tag a tree and say, “tree” to indicate the presence of a tree.

Oh, gotcha.

Boyfriend: this is irritating right now because I’m trying to change my profile to say “Alex is In A Relationship with his own butt and It’s Complicated.‚Äù

I was shocked.

Me: um.

Boyfriend: but I can’t without making a page for my butt titled “his own butt,‚Äù which is weird.

Luckily, I had the good sense to call him out immediately, as was appropriate.

Me: Remember that time you were more comfortable saying you were in a relationship with your own butt on Facebook than with me?

Boyfriend: LOL

It just didn’t make sense. I mean, sure, I don’t have anything bad to say about my boyfriend’s butt, but…I didn’t know I’d been competing. It was so unfair! How would we compare?

Boyfriend’s Butt:

-Has been there whole life

-Essential to bodily functions

-Fun to grab


-Has sex with boyfriend

Clearly, I win, right?

Apparently, he agreed, when we had an actual in-person conversation two days later and he agreed to make it “Facebook Official.”

We lived happily ever after.

And his butt? Why, we’re all still good friends!

*Because this is so gritty and real, I asked my boyfriend if it was okay to put it on the internet since he’s actually smart and cool and this makes him look stupid and awful. Then I remembered that he was the guy who wanted to change his relationship status to reflect a complicated relationship with his butt, which basically means he revokes all rights to give a shit about what is on the internet about him forever.