I know that Christmastime is over, but for a comedian/overthinker like myself, these eerie Banana Republic ads are the gift that keeps on giving!
I don‚Äôt have any particular problem with Banana Republic, besides their name being kind of imperialist and their sizes being small. But seriously…their ads were straight up creepy this year.
This particular one was all over the DC area, and is still up in a few places.
This man looks like a Bond villain. What‚Äôs in the box? I can only assume it‚Äôs the heart of whoever you love the most. He‚Äôs definitely going to say something douchey and snarky, too. Like, ‚Äúshe said you‚Äôd always have her heart.‚Äù In fact, I’m pretty sure this is the evil dictator who rules Banana Republic with an iron fist.
There‚Äôs also a possibility that there‚Äôs a bomb in the box. He will probably place it on a table and vanish in some smoke, leaving you to figure out how to disable the bomb whilst also jumping out a window. He‚Äôd say something simply before the magical disappearing act, like ‚ÄúBoom‚Äù or ‚Äútick tock, Mr. Bond.‚Äù
That is clearly the creepiest of the ads, but the other ones are similarly uncomfortable. Take this one:
I simply don‚Äôt trust this man/evil dictator. I‚Äôm pretty sure he‚Äôs going to slam this giant box over my head. He is smiley here, but he‚Äôs thinking ‚ÄúI‚Äôm gonna slam this over your head and then you‚Äôll be trapped inside unable to move your arms and then I will laugh at you while I kill your family in front of you LOLZ!‚Äù
This ad seems less violent, but definitely super disturbing. I feel like the evil dude from the other ads is showing me this girl to show me what I‚Äôll become if I don‚Äôt do what he wants. He‚Äôs like, ‚ÄúSee her? She used to be just like you. Now you can see in her eyes that she wants to be free, but the ornament tells her what to do, and she must obey.‚Äù Or maybe he just controls his citizens with ornaments, turning them into vacant, squarish-faced people who live in a monochrome world, waiting for an end to a dystopian nightmare that will never come.
Dream on, poor plebes. Dream on.