Find 30% Tips Cheaper than 10% – Scouting

Find 30% Tips Cheaper than 10% – Scouting

WTTC 2 of …

This is a series about tipping and behaving at bars. I have designed a system that is a shit ton more fun and profitable than being cheap and anti-social, saves money, and everyone wins. It isn’t for everyone however. E.g. If you hate people no matter what, bugger off. First and only rule if you are a shithead: bugger off.¬†Otherwise…


Whatever your flavor of bar or restaurant, it’s important you choose wisely when selecting your regular spots. There are the obvious things:

  • It‚Äôs close to work or home;
  • It‚Äôs the kind of place you like to hang out ‚Äì it’s a dive bar, it has a pool table, it‚Äôs one of those fancy mixology places, etc. ‚Äì you‚Äôll be going back regularly and investing money in the place so you don‚Äôt want to hate it in a month; and
  • It has the kind of food and drink you like.

But, there are less-obvious but important factors to selecting your spots.  Heed these guidelines, you monkeys:

  • The workers don‚Äôt hate their jobs. Some might think, ‚Äúoh they hate their job: Score! They’ll be down to give free drinks because fuck the man!‚Äù¬† Bollocks. Rule #4: Everyone wins.¬† If the bar is getting screwed, they will go out of business or the staff will be fired and you‚Äôll be black-marked as the customer that was in on it. ¬†IT’s for the birds I tells ya!
  • It‚Äôs at least 6 months old.¬† One of the most costly events is when a bartender leaves.¬† You established a relationship and they leave to the bar across town.¬† That‚Äôs expensive.¬† Avoid the first 6 months of a bar/restaurant when there‚Äôs LOTS of turnover and wait until they start to settle into a staff.¬† Plus, you‚Äôll get a real good sense of whether the place has staying power if it‚Äôs still where you want to be after that fresh car smell wears off.
  • It‚Äôs not a fucking chain! I almost left this out.¬†Doesn’t¬†everyone realize the horrendousness of national chains?¬† They have no soul and they‚Äôre accounting systems are rock solid.¬† Good luck running the old ‚ÄúI‚Äôll scratch you‚Äôre back‚Äù in an Applebee‚Äôs. Not to mention the food at those places tastes like herpes.
  • In business, not the business of being slammed. Especially if you‚Äôre new, don‚Äôt pick the busiest place in the ‚Äòhood.¬† You want a place that‚Äôll appreciate your business and you can help grow.¬† If they‚Äôre packed to the rafters, it‚Äôs hard to be a big fish… and what do you offer anyway?¬† Unless you can bring in extremely attractive women consistently; there‚Äôs always a market for that.¬† I know, I know, misooooogyny‚Äîyeah, yeah, and the truth so go fuck yourselves.
  • You love the house wine, tap beer, and/or rail liquor.¬† This is how you pick the level of classy you want to station up to.¬† If you‚Äôre plenty happy with any old swill, good on ya.¬† If below Smirnoff is vomit-inducing, better find a place that keeps a quality stock because it‚Äôs going to be your go-to.
  • Get comfortable. ¬†It‚Äôs going to be your home. You‚Äôre going to need to schmooze-it-up and have fun doing it.¬† If the seats suck or the d√©cor is grating, then you‚Äôre probably female or too picky.¬† Shit, if you read ‚Äúd√©cor‚Äù in the right accent and¬†didn’t¬†immediately curse yourself, this was a test and you failed.¬† Regardless, the point stand
    s: the place needs to feel like your living room and you would feel comfortable – not actually do it, but feel comfortable – with your hands on your genitals, Al Bundy style.

That’s it. Get on it.