The BLOG

It’s such a fine line.

Do you know any super-smart people? The kind with incredibly brilliant ideas wrapped around incredible oversights? I do. And some of those friends have a little money left over each month after covering food, drink, and strip club expenses.

The idea-du-jour is to invest in gold and precious metals. Yes, the same idea Glenn Beck avariciously advertised several years ago. ¬†Advertised immediately before losing his show and moment in the national spotlight. Trust no man following Beck that closely unless he holds a sniper rifle… and even then, shouldn’t he be further away?

Granted, it’s possible the economy collapses and gold will be a good thing to have in-pocket. Surely, my friends have studied all the ratios, indicators, and Ouija boards to make such an astounding prediction that the economy will completely and utterly collapse.

But what’s it mean to prepare for a world where the economy collapses to it’s knees like a stripper with a cocaine-induced cramp in her hammy?

I recommended my friends pocket a few bullion bucks for now and start in on kick-boxing lessons and hand-gun applications. Because in a world where the economy has bottomed-out–so that paper currency is worthless and precious metals are swapped like lame jokes on Facebook –you just can’t count on law and order. I doubt Deadwood wouldn’t look appealingly tranquil by comparison.

That said, I’ve started thinking about beginning a hedge-fund of bad-assery. Invest with us now! We’re shorting Chuck Norris, who’s best days are as far gone as hist mental connection with reality and his wife’s non-plastic parts. We’re long on female MMA fighters. Knock-dead defense on 95% of the population, reproductive abilities and hey, if the market survives at least they’re getting promoted in the UFC.

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