Coffee People

I’ve been told I drink too much coffee. This concern didn’t come from my mom, best friend or a survey in a women’s health magazine. It came from a 4th grader.* She was running around the room giving unwanted hugs to strangers and shoving brownies in her face, yet my drinking habit was the concern.

If an immature 4th grader with bad eating habits thinks I’m harming my body, should I reevaluate my love of the bean?

Hell no!

I love coffee. I’ll even go as far to say that coffee is sexy. Just the smell of it arouses me. You know that sensation when you inhale your boyfriend’s laundry and remember all the good times? It’s like that. But with pumpkin creamer.

I also love coffee people. Why? Because we are obsessed with our coffee. The houses and apartments we choose are determined by their proximity to the nearest JavaJoe’s or CoffeeExpresso or A Whole Latte Love.**

You think I watch Gilmore Girls for the 1000 mile an hour, rapid fire pop culture references those two freaks throw at each other? Well kinda. But also because that mother and daughter tag team can’t function with out their daily cup and I love that.

We grow up as little girls sitting around having tea parties as we play with our dolls but that doesn’t mean we all grow up and enjoy tea. If that was the case I should also love vacuuming and NASCAR and marbles! I hate marbles!

Tea is for sore throats and grandmoms. I only drink it before devouring General Tso’s Mock-Chicken at Chows because it’s free and I like using those tiny teapots. They’re just so short and stout…and dammit! Ok so some things stick from my childhood.

My addiction is coffee and I think it’s pretty tame in comparison to what all you nuts do. Drugs, smoking, extreme sports! My god, get a helmet with a side of life insurance. The only plane I’m jumping out of is the one over the trees of Brazil where I will safely land, greeted warmly by my Arabica bean friends as we dance and sing to the beat of Bebel Gilberto’s “River Song” playing gently across the forests of São Paulo. Too far? Not far enough.

*I don’t sit around hating on 4th graders. In fact, she was the one making fun of me for my Mickey Mouse coffee mug. Bitch.

**Coffee people refers to the people who drink coffee, not the people who name coffee places. Those people suck.